My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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