My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
