I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
