i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
