Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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