I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
