a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
