Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
