This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
