id be glad to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
