I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
