things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
