Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
