yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
