Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
