I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What a dumb baby whore.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
