garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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