***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
