RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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