I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
