The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
