If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
