just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
