so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
