im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
