Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
