i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
