unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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