shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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