There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where did you get a picture of my penis
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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