So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
