Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
