Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
