i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
