have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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