Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
