You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you had me at cake vodka
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
