does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
