Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
