i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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