My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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