so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
