Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
