I think my fart just growled at me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
