Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
