I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
