did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
