Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
