we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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