my vag is so smooth its legendary
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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