I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
