Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
