I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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